Monday
5/18/06
I Have Seen The Future, And It Is... Dorky.
To wit, the lofty: The theory of relativity tells us that if you're standing still, a beam of light emitted from a flashlight in your hand will scamper away from you at exactly 1,079,252,848.8 kilometers per hour, and yet if you began to run with that flashlight at incredible speeds you would never be able to catch up to the light because it will keep receding from you at exactly the speed of light no matter how fast you go. Oh sure, you say, that's possible because it's time that's relative bla bla bla, but do you really understand how the whole theory fits together? No, of course you don't, and that's why you're sitting there reading my dopey blog instead of working on some sort of super-sciency-government project building shiny death ray guns or some such nonsense. And of course if you really are building shiny death ray guns, then shame on you.
Now where the hell was I? Oh yeah, things I don't get. And the mundane: like why my two boys who are otherwise perfectly intelligent, reasonable people can't remember to flush the damn toilet. It's a mystery. Anyhoo, the point of all this is that recently I've begun to notice a mysterious phenomenon that not only do I not understand, but would categorize as both mundane and inexplicably annoying: People Who Wear Bluetooth Headsets Everywhere And At All Times.
Really now, why? I've never seen any of these people actually talking; it looks as if they've got these things permanently attached to their heads just in case someone should call and they just can't get to the phone in their pocket fast enough. Maybe they're all waiting for a call from Commissioner Gordon and they just can't get to the phone fast enough to avert a bank robbery! Or maybe they're all waiting on a call from the President and they just can't get to the phone fast enough to help avert a terrorist attack! Or maybe they're all waiting for a call from mom and they just can't get to the phone fast enough to be reminded to pick up a quart of milk from the QuikieMart!
What a bunch of dorks. Not only do I see a few of these people every day now, but while my Lovely Bride and I were at Stir Crazy last weekend there was, I sh#t you not, a guy at the table next to us who was wearing one of these things while on a date. With a girl. For the entire meal. Never talked on it. But boy was he ever ready to take a call. Dork.
Or maybe we need to coin a new term. Bluetooth dork... Blocutus? No... Blork? How about just bork? Yeah, thats it, bork. I just hope this guy doesn't mind.
Oh well, have a nice day!
