Friday
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12/09/06
Rapture Watch
The End-Times are nigh, nay-sayers. That's right, as any fan of Air America's own Cardinal Milfington can tell you, the Rapture is upon us. How do I know this, you ask? The End-Time indicators are as clear as they are ominous. And no, I'm not talking about any namby-pamby wars or social unrest. Nor do I mean any famines, flu pandemics or the seemingly endless reign of Satan's minions in our current administration. No, in fact it was just this morning that an even more sinister indicator was visited upon us: Snow.
That's right, fluffy puffy, sparkly snow. Snow as pure as the driven... well you get the idea. But really, no kidding, what the heck is up with all the early snow? I mean sure, the Midwest has gotten pounded with snowstorms this week and out west got hit hard early last month, but now the stuff is all over me. Not only did we get a couple of inches last weekend here in my little hamlet just northwest of NYC, but now we have the better part of a foot of the stuff, and it's only December ninth, for heaven's sake.
Now don't get me wrong, all you rosy-cheeked, Christmas-caroling imbibers of hot chocolate drinks, I like snow just as much as the next elf. I like sledding and snowball fights with my boys and building forts and all, I'm just saying it's weird. We rarely, after all, even see a white Christmas around here, let alone have enough of the stuff to ski on in the first week of December.
Ahem... so anyway, I'm sure that the secular humanist/heathens among you may see this meteorological oddity as an example of "global climate change," but I know better. That's right, the adorable, frosty snowman that now stands proudly in my front yard is made from the snow of a vengeful God. So knock back the rest of your cocoa and get your mukluks out of Satan's hall closet, sinners, 'cause the End-Times are a comin'... and we'll leave the light on for you... in Hell!
(Oh yeah, and if you're not already a fan of Jim Earl's various Air America Milfington bits, do yourself a favor and indulge in a little bit of Rapture Watch, War on Brains and Morning Remembrance. They're all archived here for your convenience. Have a nice day!)
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|
12/09/06
Rapture Watch
The End-Times are nigh, nay-sayers. That's right, as any fan of Air America's own Cardinal Milfington can tell you, the Rapture is upon us. How do I know this, you ask? The End-Time indicators are as clear as they are ominous. And no, I'm not talking about any namby-pamby wars or social unrest. Nor do I mean any famines, flu pandemics or the seemingly endless reign of Satan's minions in our current administration. No, in fact it was just this morning that an even more sinister indicator was visited upon us: Snow.
That's right, fluffy puffy, sparkly snow. Snow as pure as the driven... well you get the idea. But really, no kidding, what the heck is up with all the early snow? I mean sure, the Midwest has gotten pounded with snowstorms this week and out west got hit hard early last month, but now the stuff is all over me. Not only did we get a couple of inches last weekend here in my little hamlet just northwest of NYC, but now we have the better part of a foot of the stuff, and it's only December ninth, for heaven's sake.
Now don't get me wrong, all you rosy-cheeked, Christmas-caroling imbibers of hot chocolate drinks, I like snow just as much as the next elf. I like sledding and snowball fights with my boys and building forts and all, I'm just saying it's weird. We rarely, after all, even see a white Christmas around here, let alone have enough of the stuff to ski on in the first week of December.
Ahem... so anyway, I'm sure that the secular humanist/heathens among you may see this meteorological oddity as an example of "global climate change," but I know better. That's right, the adorable, frosty snowman that now stands proudly in my front yard is made from the snow of a vengeful God. So knock back the rest of your cocoa and get your mukluks out of Satan's hall closet, sinners, 'cause the End-Times are a comin'... and we'll leave the light on for you... in Hell!
(Oh yeah, and if you're not already a fan of Jim Earl's various Air America Milfington bits, do yourself a favor and indulge in a little bit of Rapture Watch, War on Brains and Morning Remembrance. They're all archived here for your convenience. Have a nice day!)
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