Thursday
1/27/05
We're Here....
The pleasures of being an at-home-dad are, as many dads with blogging skills superior to my own have noted, many and varied. At-home-dads, for instance, get to watch first hand the academic, physical and social milestones reached by their offspring. First words, first steps, first eating paste for laughs, that sort of thing.
One milestone that’s a particular favorite of mine is watching the little ones learn to taunt their peers without their betters catching on. Sneaky fun if you will. The sort of sneaky fun where a third grader singles out the most uptight and prudish member of his or her class and then engages in a campaign of clandestine nose picking that only the prudish little nerd can see. If all goes well, the little nerd will be thrown into fits of righteous indignation at this furtive display and, even better, will be perpetually stymied in his attempts to get the teacher to acknowledge the offence. Yeah, I had a lot of fun in grade school.
Even more satisfying, though, is watching the same dynamic at work in the adult world. As often as not, for instance, it seems that Christian fundamentalists have their knickers in a twist over some aspect of popular culture that they perceive as an abomination; an abomination about which they promptly go crying to the media for attention and validation. And this week’s current abomination? Why, a “We Are Family” music video and the decadent sexual orientation of Spongebob, of course.
You’ve heard it all before: "We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," says Paul Batura, a spokesman for Focus on the Family.
In response, Mark Barondeso, spokesman for the We Are Family Foundation that produced the video gives an innocent shrug and says that anyone who thinks the video promotes homosexuality "needs to visit their doctor and get their medication increased". Touché Mr. Barondeso. (As long as we’re at it, does anyone remember Tinky Winky? Just checking.)
So, for me the true beauty and majesty of these exchanges is that in the big picture… in the overall national dialogue about moral values, the nerdy right–wing fundamentalists are still crying to the teacher for attention, and the likes of SpongeBob creator Steve Hillenburg are still picking their noses. In short, I do believe that children’s programming has its share of “gay” characters and I just love how agitated they make the loony fundamentalists who would be our moral watchdogs.
Tinky Winky gay? Well for heaven’s sake, as an at home dad who spent countless hours with that purple-triangle-wearing, handbag-swinging Teletubby, I say of course he’s gay… and so what? Tinky Winky is, after all, only a TV character who mostly spends his day flopping around trying to figure out life… just like everybody else.
SpongeBob gay? I dunno, but how about Squidward? Ohmigod yes. His passion for wearing formal wear at home? All the primping and dressing for solo dinner parties featuring his freshly baked soufflés? His love of interpretive dance? All the bubble baths and clandestine primping with the mirror he hides at work, etc. etc. etc. Helloooo?
Sure he’s gay, and yet again, I say so what? For heaven’s sake, the way the fundamentalists carry on about it you’d think there was an episode with Squidward and Mr. Krabs snowballing in the bathroom.
Hell, the only thing that really is disturbing about this whole ridiculous issue is that all those prissy little third-grade nerds who couldn’t bear the nose picking grew up to be emotionally damaged right-wingers who would shield other people’s children from role models like SpongeBob who delight in little more than fair play, tolerance and inclusion. It seems to me a sure bet that the world would certainly be a lot better off with some more brainwashing like that.
Well, enough said. I’m off to pick my nose a little.
(Still skeptical about Tinky Winky? Go Google the contraction of his name: 'Twink.' Or, even better: 'Twinks.' Go on, I dare you.)
