Sunday
4/10/04
My Very Own Howard Stern Conspiracy Theory.
Years and years ago, I listened to a pretty good DJ on WNBC AM radio here in New York. While he was rude and juvenile, his show had a youthful energy and he made the effort to be genuinely clever and funny. No topic was out of bounds on his show, and all in all it made for a great breath of fresh air around here.
But of course that was twenty years ago, and ever since Howard Stern has been making the long descent from clever guy with funny ideas to embarrassing hack who is as much a parody of himself as he is poster boy for the Delusions of Grandeur Club. But, despite what I think of Howard’s career, I was disturbed to read that he is officially being dumped by Clear Channel Communications… a decision for which I can see little plausible rationale other than blatant censorship.
The move came after the FCC "proposed fining" Clear Channel $495,000 for allegedly sexually explicit material on Stern’s show. The fine itself is interesting in that even though most fines issued are blanket amounts covering an entire show, in this case the FCC proposed the maximum of $27,500 for 18 individual violations within a particular broadcast. Clear Channel Radio president John Hogan had this to say about the matter: "Mr. Stern’s show has created a great liability for us and other broadcasters who air it."
Ah yes, a liability… but for who really? Let’s take a step back and work out just who’s who. Stern, on his Clear Channel stations, finally started going after Bush. Clear Channel Communications of course owns nearly two thousand radio stations nation wide, and is perhaps best known for cutting the Dixie Chicks from its playlists after the Chicks had the temerity to criticize Bush. Similarly, in 2003 Clear Channel stations spent a great deal of time organizing local pro-war rallies to help counter the flood of worldwide protest against the war. And who runs Clear Channel? Why none other than Texan Lowry Mays who is a lifelong republican donor and close Bush family friend.
Now all of this is well known, but what I think is the master stroke is how skillfully Bush’s puppeteers orchestrated Stern’s takedown without embarrassing Clear Channel’s Lowry: they just brought in the FCC. An FCC, by the way, whose chairman is Michael Powell, none other that Colin Powell's little boy.
Here’s how I think it went down…
The time, early February. The place, a washroom somewhere in the bowels of the White House.
Karl Rove: Hey Colin.
Colin Powell: Hey Karl.
K: Boy that whole Janet Jackson titty thing sure hit the fan, huh?
C: Yeah, it was good for a whole week of page one, above the fold.
K: Yup. Say, you know that Stern radio guy?
C: Yeah.
K: Well, lately he’s been shooting his mouth off, saying a lot of shit he shouldn’t be.
C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah, listen, we’ve got a little job for your son over at the FCC…
C: No problem. Hey! Stop grabbing it so tight, I’ll never be able to finish like that…
All right, I’ll admit I just made up that last line, but I’ll bet anything that the rest of that conversation is pretty close to the real thing.
So anyway, that’s my own little conspiracy theory, offered for your consideration. Go on, take it out for a spin and see how it handles. If you like it, I’ve got plenty more. Hey! Where the hell is my aluminum foil hat?
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My Very Own Howard Stern Conspiracy Theory.
Years and years ago, I listened to a pretty good DJ on WNBC AM radio here in New York. While he was rude and juvenile, his show had a youthful energy and he made the effort to be genuinely clever and funny. No topic was out of bounds on his show, and all in all it made for a great breath of fresh air around here.
But of course that was twenty years ago, and ever since Howard Stern has been making the long descent from clever guy with funny ideas to embarrassing hack who is as much a parody of himself as he is poster boy for the Delusions of Grandeur Club. But, despite what I think of Howard’s career, I was disturbed to read that he is officially being dumped by Clear Channel Communications… a decision for which I can see little plausible rationale other than blatant censorship.
The move came after the FCC "proposed fining" Clear Channel $495,000 for allegedly sexually explicit material on Stern’s show. The fine itself is interesting in that even though most fines issued are blanket amounts covering an entire show, in this case the FCC proposed the maximum of $27,500 for 18 individual violations within a particular broadcast. Clear Channel Radio president John Hogan had this to say about the matter: "Mr. Stern’s show has created a great liability for us and other broadcasters who air it."
Ah yes, a liability… but for who really? Let’s take a step back and work out just who’s who. Stern, on his Clear Channel stations, finally started going after Bush. Clear Channel Communications of course owns nearly two thousand radio stations nation wide, and is perhaps best known for cutting the Dixie Chicks from its playlists after the Chicks had the temerity to criticize Bush. Similarly, in 2003 Clear Channel stations spent a great deal of time organizing local pro-war rallies to help counter the flood of worldwide protest against the war. And who runs Clear Channel? Why none other than Texan Lowry Mays who is a lifelong republican donor and close Bush family friend.
Now all of this is well known, but what I think is the master stroke is how skillfully Bush’s puppeteers orchestrated Stern’s takedown without embarrassing Clear Channel’s Lowry: they just brought in the FCC. An FCC, by the way, whose chairman is Michael Powell, none other that Colin Powell's little boy.
Here’s how I think it went down…
The time, early February. The place, a washroom somewhere in the bowels of the White House.
Karl Rove: Hey Colin.
Colin Powell: Hey Karl.
K: Boy that whole Janet Jackson titty thing sure hit the fan, huh?
C: Yeah, it was good for a whole week of page one, above the fold.
K: Yup. Say, you know that Stern radio guy?
C: Yeah.
K: Well, lately he’s been shooting his mouth off, saying a lot of shit he shouldn’t be.
C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah, listen, we’ve got a little job for your son over at the FCC…
C: No problem. Hey! Stop grabbing it so tight, I’ll never be able to finish like that…
All right, I’ll admit I just made up that last line, but I’ll bet anything that the rest of that conversation is pretty close to the real thing.
So anyway, that’s my own little conspiracy theory, offered for your consideration. Go on, take it out for a spin and see how it handles. If you like it, I’ve got plenty more. Hey! Where the hell is my aluminum foil hat?
