Monday
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9/12
Metaphor Abuse
Allegory, fable, parable. All distinct and useful in their own way. Yes, for you they may bring back memories best forgotten about Sunday school, Hebrew school or whichever school to which you may have been dragged as a child, but still, a little allegory can be a good thing. Fable can be fun. Parable is still my favorite, though, and there are, incidentally, still one or two people working at a certain restaurant in Purchase, NY who will retell one of my favorite creations if you ask nicely.
It involves a rather harried person adrift in a rickety canoe as it rushes down a rock-strewn river. This person, or restaurant manager, oh all right, it’s me, as I hope you’ve presumed, has been given only a small broken paddle with which to steer the canoe past the rocks and avoid disaster. The stream rushes faster and faster. The canoe is taking on water. Up ahead, directly in the canoe’s path is an unusually large, menacing rock that will surely sink the entire affair. I’m all too aware of this hazard and paddle furiously to one side to avoid disaster. Just then, suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a big fat drooling man with a slight speech impediment stands up in the back of the canoe and starts yelling, "Hey, watch out!"
"Yes, I am" I yell back. The canoe takes on more water and is harder to control because the owner... er, I mean the fat man, is now waving his arms.
"Look out for that rock!" he hollers.
"Yes, I see the damn rock!" I shriek. "Now siddown!"
I continue to paddle as fast as possible to the left. "You have to paddle to the left" barks the fat man.
So what happened in real life, you wonder? Well, basically I dropped the paddle, jumped in the river and swam safely to shore. (Oddly enough the fat man did as well, leaving the restaurant, um, I mean canoe, to a less fortunate fate. The last I’ve heard it’s still afloat, but just barely.)
So what’s the point of all this? Well, it had something to do with a snappy little bit of allegory I came across in Al Franken’s new book, but I was having so much fun reminiscing about the River of Broken Dreams that I seem to have gotten entirely lost.
Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow. But anyway, to all of you who have had your professional Hopes and Dreams shattered on the Rocks of Despair… I invite you to swim for safety. Heck, it’s better than going down with the canoe, because then even a whole boatload of ridiculous metaphors won’t save you. Have a nice day!
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9/12
Metaphor Abuse
Allegory, fable, parable. All distinct and useful in their own way. Yes, for you they may bring back memories best forgotten about Sunday school, Hebrew school or whichever school to which you may have been dragged as a child, but still, a little allegory can be a good thing. Fable can be fun. Parable is still my favorite, though, and there are, incidentally, still one or two people working at a certain restaurant in Purchase, NY who will retell one of my favorite creations if you ask nicely.
It involves a rather harried person adrift in a rickety canoe as it rushes down a rock-strewn river. This person, or restaurant manager, oh all right, it’s me, as I hope you’ve presumed, has been given only a small broken paddle with which to steer the canoe past the rocks and avoid disaster. The stream rushes faster and faster. The canoe is taking on water. Up ahead, directly in the canoe’s path is an unusually large, menacing rock that will surely sink the entire affair. I’m all too aware of this hazard and paddle furiously to one side to avoid disaster. Just then, suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a big fat drooling man with a slight speech impediment stands up in the back of the canoe and starts yelling, "Hey, watch out!"
"Yes, I am" I yell back. The canoe takes on more water and is harder to control because the owner... er, I mean the fat man, is now waving his arms.
"Look out for that rock!" he hollers.
"Yes, I see the damn rock!" I shriek. "Now siddown!"
I continue to paddle as fast as possible to the left. "You have to paddle to the left" barks the fat man.
So what happened in real life, you wonder? Well, basically I dropped the paddle, jumped in the river and swam safely to shore. (Oddly enough the fat man did as well, leaving the restaurant, um, I mean canoe, to a less fortunate fate. The last I’ve heard it’s still afloat, but just barely.)
So what’s the point of all this? Well, it had something to do with a snappy little bit of allegory I came across in Al Franken’s new book, but I was having so much fun reminiscing about the River of Broken Dreams that I seem to have gotten entirely lost.
Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow. But anyway, to all of you who have had your professional Hopes and Dreams shattered on the Rocks of Despair… I invite you to swim for safety. Heck, it’s better than going down with the canoe, because then even a whole boatload of ridiculous metaphors won’t save you. Have a nice day!
